GOOD ADVICE

Tips for a successful marriage

Issues on fidelity

Women who easily suspect their husbands are insecure. A woman who is not secure in her husband's love will feel he must be showing the love to someone else- real or imagined. Women need reassurance.

A woman goes through many changes in life especially physically and emotionally. Pre and post-natal situations, menopause and age all add up to change the physical appearance of a woman and constant reassurance from her man makes her secure and also makes her feel she is still as attractive as when her husband fell in love and proposed. When this reassurance is not forthcoming, there is a tendency to begin to think the spouse is directing these to someone else when he doesn't come home early or when what he says doesn’t add up.

Indices of extra-marital affair and how can it be checked in a relationship

They are lies, unexplained outburst of anger, highly irritable behaviour, verbal or physical abuse, etc. They can be checked by constant communication between couples. Couples must learn to work hard to keep the love that brought them together alive. They must not neglect one another and make efforts to create time out of their busy schedule for each other. In addition to these, they must pray together and for one another. Prophesy into each other's lives and trust God for each other.

Issues on income

To withhold such important information is very dangerous. In fact, it is better to give full access to the funds otherwise the man will believe she earns more than she actually does and make unreasonable demands. Also, a man who is financially crippled feels less of a man and not in control of the home so will be prone to lash out in different ways like verbal or physical abuse in order to gain control.

Financial independence

A woman does not need financial independence from her spouse. Her role is to support him in everyway possible way.

Advise on wife’s full control of the financial resources of the family

Yes and no. There should be joint access and joint control of the account. The message is that there shouldn't be any restriction or barrier for either party. They come into agreement. Two heads are better than one.

Can a woman be in charge of the family purse or account?

"In-charge" is not the right word for the woman. The man should always be in-charge. The role of a woman is that of a custodian. The man is the head and the woman the neck.

How a man can manage a wife who is extremely possessive and demanding

A wife who is never satisfied and always asking for more probably believes there is more where what is given came from. Such a woman should be made the "custodian" of the family purse. It will be difficult and ridiculous to ask for more when you are aware of all there is.

Advice to a woman who insists that her husband must provide everything

Such a woman is not of God. The main reason a woman was created was to be a helpmeet to her husband. God saw that it was not good for the man to be alone hence the woman. A helpmeet is to meet her husband, not halfway, three quarter way or one quarter way but to meet him at any level as long as he has made attempts or efforts to find solutions to family problems.

A woman who insists her husband must do everything will soon lose him either to death or to another woman. There will be no use for her in the home as she is not contributing and will certainly not be missed if she is no longer in the home.

How couples can build trust and transparency in their relationship

Learn to be open to one another. Speak the truth without being hurtful. Refrain from telling lies and appreciate one another.

What are the benefits?

If they have a loving and lovely union, the couple will have common goals and will achieve a lot.

Dangers, if neglected

The dangers are strife, backbiting, separation or even divorce. There is the tendency of the children becoming wayward and disobedient.

Advice to those having problems in this area

The issues should be addressed. Do not assume it will go away by not speaking about them. There has to be a rededication and an effort to renew trust and transparency. It's a two-way thing. One party has to resolve to rebuild trust and transparency while the other learns to believe that the former will change for good and give love a chance again.