"For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Gen 2:24
In a marriage, man and woman symbolically become one flesh when a man leaves his father and his mother and takes his wife; the two of them become one. Oneness in a marriage means little can affect one without affecting the other. Therefore the choice of a spouse by a woman is the most important decision of her life, after giving her life to Jesus, because her choice will determine whether or not she fulfills God's plan and purpose for her life.
Whoever you marry should be your friend, but the goal in a marriage should be more than friendship, it should be oneness
Marriage was instituted by God so you need God's guidance to choose a spouse. Just like a woman can end up with a man that will bring the best out of her and help her to become who the Lord has ordained her to be, she can also end up with the spouse that will take her very far away from God's intended purpose for her life. So a lot of factors have to be taken into consideration in choosing a spouse.
The truth is, it is almost humanly impossible to choose a spouse without seeking the face of God. This is because we are mortal beings, and we tend to judge by what we see, and fail to see beyond what we are confronted with. Our decisions are often clouded by our needs and our environment so it is only by the revelational power and guidance of the Holy Spirit that you can successfully choose a spouse.
First thing to do when you need to make the choice of a life partner is to seek the help of the Holy spirit... ask the Holy spirit to guide you and to speak to you about your choice of a life partner. Many people marry without knowing what to expect of their partner or married life. You must be careful not to allow your desires to mask what you receive from God because He alone is the Alpha and Omega, who knows the end from the beginning.
When you seek the help of the spirit, you will be guided to search out the following qualities in a prospective spouse.
First thing to consider in the choice of a spouse- The fear of God.
Bible says "the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom". A man who has the fear of God in Him has surrendered the authority of his life to Jesus and has the power of God inside of Him, such a man would not only operate with the spirit of God, but would also salute and honour the woman for the role that God has called her to play in his life as helpmate and "bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh", not as a stress buster or a punching bag.
The second point to consider: Your values, do you have similar values? I.e. religious beliefs, tradition and customs.
Religious differences are a very strong point to consider in the choice of a spouse. As Christians, the bible warns us not to be unevenly yoked with unbelievers because such marriages cannot have unity in the most important aspect of life, commitment and obedience to God and His word. The woman may have to compromise her beliefs and her faith for the sake of unity and peace in the marriage. Don't allow passion, emotions to blind you into marrying someone that you cannot be united with spiritually. "Was it not because of marriages like these, that Solomon king of Israel sinned?"
... Nehemiah 13:26. Many Christian sisters today delude themselves into believing that the man will change his religion and will give his life to Christ after they get married. This is a very unrealistic expectation of a man because a man, who will not make amends to please you before he marries you, will certainly not make amends after he has married you. This is the "lie" that a lot of unbeliever men tell to lure Christian women into marriages and unfortunately a lot of women do fall for it because of their desire to be married at all costs only to find out after marriage that the man never had intentions of changing his religion. It is easy for us to minimise religion in order to encourage the development of a friendship, but seemingly small differences can have a great impact upon a marriage.
Third point to consider in the choice of a spouse is: physical compatibility; temperaments.
Before you can be sure of the type of man that is comparable with your own nature or temperaments, you need to be sure of the type of person that you are. i.e. how well do you know yourself?, do you have a short fuse and blow your top frequently, or are you the patient, tolerant and not so quick to respond type?, Are you an extrovert or an introvert? Are you tolerant, resilient and patient enough to cope with a man who is hot tempered and quick to anger? Can you live with an impatient and domineering man?, it's important to know that two hot tempered persons will not survive in a marriage unless one person is going to become a complete zombie for the other person when it comes to issues that could bring about an uproar, and that person is most likely to be the woman. Most men have set ideas of what they want their wife to be. Some men manipulate their wife into becoming what they want her to be, whilst some men encourage their wife to develop her own character and pursue her own dreams. You need to be sure what category your man falls into and determine which suits you.
Fourth point to consider in the choice of a spouse is Emotional compatibility - otherwise called Chemistry.
"Chemistry" is that spark which keeps a man and a woman attracted to each other. A saying goes "for every man there is a woman". Some say that for every man there are at least 4 women. It is not possible for every living man and woman to be compatible with every other man and woman that comes their way. There has to be something that keeps a man and woman together and forever attracted to each other even after the initial novelty of a new relationship or a new marriage wears out. So in choosing a spouse you have to be sure that the chemistry is right between you. Apart from the grace and mercy of God, it is the chemistry that will keep the spark alive in your marriage when those difficult times come. Where there is emotional incompatibility, the couple will after a while become intolerant of each other and are more likely to commit adultery than the couple who are in love with each other. It becomes easy for the woman to notice passes and advances made by other men towards her, because she is not in love with her husband.
Fifth to consider in the choice of a spouse is - Intellectual compatibility, i.e. educational background, and intelligence level of the man.
Intellectual incompatibility need not be a problem in a marriage except for the fact that most men feel insecure and inadequate in a marriage where there is an imbalance in levels of intelligence. Are you a highly qualified and well accomplished woman, at the peak of your career and considering marriage to a man who is lower qualified and less accomplished than yourself? The danger in such situations is that the man always feels the need to exercise his authority and dominion in the marriage, in most cases he does this by putting the woman down and restraining her from displaying her knowledge and intelligence in places where his own inadequacies will be shown off. In short he would like to keep her quiet by suppressing her and preventing her from excelling in her career. In extreme cases he may force her to terminate her career to become a housewife.
Sixth to consider in the choice of a spouse is - Trustworthiness.
This comes under two different categories. First, to what extent can the man be trusted? Trust is a fundamental issue in a relationship. A man that cannot be trusted is a man that is not worth marrying. This is because it is impossible to be with your spouse 24/7. We live in a society where there is a lot of temptation for the married and the unmarried. We also live in a society where there are a greater percentage of women than men. You need to be sure that your intended spouse is not one who lacks self control and has the tendency to give into temptation easily. Second, it is just as important for you to trust your husband, as it is for him to trust you.
You need to marry a man who loves and trusts you for who you are. You need a man who can give you your freedom and liberty to enable you fulfill your purpose and destiny as a child of God without looking over your shoulder every second and suspecting your every move. A possessive man has a problem with insecurity and so will suspect every move of his wife even when she is innocent of his suspicions. If you are the kind of woman who needs her space and likes to interact with other people, marriage to such a man will lead to frustration. This is a problem that some attractive looking women face with their husbands who think every man finds their wife attractive and wants her.
The seventh point to consider in the choice of a spouse is- family values.
The bible tells us to "honour our father and mother" that our days may be long. A man who does not honour his parents cannot honour his wife. A man who has no family values would have low moral values too. How he responds to his own family, his parents, siblings and extended family will give you a strong indication of how he will respond to your own family and children. A man with no family values cannot impact family values on your children. Some men don't talk, play and listen to their children because they believe children are not to be heard.
The Eight point to consider in the choice of a spouse is - kindness and respect
A kind heart is a selfless heart. A man with a kind heart will go the extra mile for his family. He would deny himself the excesses of life to make his wife and family comfortable. A greedy and selfish man who put his needs first before that of his wife and children will never make sacrifices for his family. A man, who has no respect for women, does not believe anything good can come out of a woman other than rearing children. Such a man would relegate his wife to the background and keep her away from the affairs of his life because he has no respect for her; the ripple effect of this is that if care is not taken, even the children may end up disrespecting their mother. In marriage you should be treated as an equal partner not as an inferior partner.
The Ninth point to consider in the choice of a spouse- How forgiving is the man?
Nobody is created perfect and as human beings we are bound to offend each other. In fact the more you love a man or woman the greater the chances of he or she offending you. Sometimes we inadvertently offend our spouses and the hurt can run very deep, but the beauty of any relationship is the ability to disagree, offend each other but yet be able to accept each other's fault and be willing to forgive and forget the other party's wrongdoings. The saying goes "true love does not keep account of wrongs". Some men just don't have a forgiving spirit and believe punishment has to be inflicted on the woman every time she offends them. Punishment could be in the reduction of housekeeping money or by deliberately denying the woman of her pleasures. An unforgiving spirit is a bitter spirit. Marriage to a man with an unforgiving spirit could be miserable.
The tenth point to consider in the choice of a spouse - Financial Influence: The man's attitude to money.
In marriage it is good to have a savings plan or an investment plan for the future. How does your spouse spend his money? Is he a Friday night club and party freak who spends all his excess or disposable income on alcohol and cigarettes? Alcohol, cigarette, nightclubbing and womanizing go together and are one of the fastest means of draining a man's finances because of the seeming pleasure gained from them.
Some men are addicted to driving fast cars and wearing designer clothes and as such maintain very expensive lifestyles which sometimes they can't afford. Some feel under pressure to live according to the standards and the expectations of friends and society. A woman married to such a man, may find herself indirectly funding his life style, by supplementing his income.
Aside from these 10 points, there are many other factors to take into consideration when choosing a spouse but I believe these 10 points would serve as a basis and a guide for you in taking your decision. In addition, I strongly recommend "How to choose a life partner - 165 Questions to ask", by Pastor Bimbo Odukoya.
If you have not yet given your life to Christ and would like to do so today, please pray:
Father, today I accept you as my Lord and Savior as I surrender my life to you and I repent of all my sins. Forgive me Lord and accept me into the kingdom of your dear son, thank you Lord for saving me. Amen.
Congratulations, if you have been touched by this message,
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Friday, November 5, 2010
PERSPECTIVE
One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have..
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your family and friends!
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have..
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your family and friends!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Installing Love
Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well , after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. ... See More
Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are Running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
TechSupport: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer Disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't Know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
I loved this!
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not running on internal components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from a ll directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before We hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules toeveryone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
Customer: Well , after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. ... See More
Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are Running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
TechSupport: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer Disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't Know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
I loved this!
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not running on internal components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from a ll directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before We hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules toeveryone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
Why women want the things they want
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Lee Majors
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Al Gore
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
George Clooney
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W. Bush
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Rudy Giuliani
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
Michael Jordan
"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!
Donald Trump
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Shaquille O’Neal
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Kobe Bryant
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel
“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
David Letterman
“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes Suffer...ing!
Jay Leno
Lee Majors
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Al Gore
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
George Clooney
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W. Bush
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Rudy Giuliani
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
Michael Jordan
"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!
Donald Trump
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Shaquille O’Neal
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Kobe Bryant
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel
“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
David Letterman
“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes Suffer...ing!
Jay Leno
Friday, May 21, 2010
A CALL FROM ABOVE
The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality, " or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCEprocedure. Next, download ATONEMENTfrom the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!
- GOD
P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!
Because He Lives!
Psalm 34:8 Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man that trust in Him .
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality, " or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCEprocedure. Next, download ATONEMENTfrom the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!
- GOD
P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!
Because He Lives!
Psalm 34:8 Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man that trust in Him .
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Positive Practices for healthy relationships
Some of us were blessed with loving parents. Others experienced parental neglect, rejection or abuse. The example our parents give us is our main teaching on parenting. Sometimes this training fell short. We were not taught how to show love, respect or support. In other words we never saw in practice the principles that build warm, wholesome relationships.
In my speaking, writing and work on-line it has been a revelation to me, how many young adults have asked me specifically, “Will you be my mom?” When I ask them what they mean, they say, “I need someone to care. I need someone to listen. I need someone to encourage me.”
Just this past week a woman in my neighborhood asked me, “Will you be my mom?” When she was just a little girl she lost her mom to HIV / AIDS. She said that she longs for someone to care about her, encourage her and share wisdom with her. I said, “I would be honored to share motherly love with you.”
It got me to thinking how do we nurture ourselves? How do we become good parents to our biological children as well as to others in our lives who need us to play an encouraging, supportive role?
Here are some principles I use as a parent in working with my own children. I also use these same guidelines when working with other children and adults who look to me for support.
If you don’t have your own children, you can read these ideas substituting the child focus to any person who seeks your love and guidance. You might also consider these ideas as ways you can love and parent yourself.
1. Be fully present. Have you noticed that people are often physically present (the body is there), but mentally absent? Busy parents tend to feel that caring for their children means providing adequate financial support. That’s part of it. However, kids spell love: T-I-M-E. You may have limited time with your children because you work long days. That’s as it is. Make what little time you have with your children quality time by offering them your full attention. When you return home each evening, symbolically choose to drop your bag of concerns outside. Then walk in free to give yourself to the one’s you love. Put away your cell phone, let go of the day’s frustrations and tomorrow’s fears.Look into their eyes. Study their faces. How are they doing today? Do they seem happy or might there be something bothering them? If you tune in, you will find natural opportunities to support your family emotionally. This type of support is priceless.Some parents think that they can replace moments together with toys and other material things. There is no substitute for quality time. Remember, “Your children need your presence more than your presents.” (Rev. Jesse Jackson).
Affirm: I am fully present when I interact with others.
2. Listen. Don’t you find it helpful when someone is willing to sit and listen to you tell a story or explain something that’s bothering you? Isn’t it a comfort to know that another person will lend their ear as you express your feelings? Giving undivided attention is a way to show love. When we listen without interrupting or criticizing, we create a safe place for a child. Simply listening with acceptance gives you the wonderful opportunity of getting to know your child more deeply. Doing this creates a bond that children and parents (all human beings) desperately long for. Create trust and openness. Then as children grow, they can keep turning to you rather than their peers for support and guidance.
Affirm: I listen patiently and attentively.
3. Touch and comfort, hold them when needed. Studies have shown that a human beings need for affection is as deep as his need for food, clothing and shelter . Patting the back, stroking the hair, holding a hand while walkingeach of these is a way to give a child a sense of connection and security. Hugs that last a few seconds longer than normal warm our hearts and soften our spirits. The Dalai Lama reminds us, “We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.”
Affirm: I offer loving touches in wise ways.
4. Clarify family values (for your nuclear family and the human family). Come up with a few statements reflecting the character traits you choose to exemplify as a family. Here are the guidelines we use. As members of the Omoqui family, We respect others. We use our words wisely. We are kind. We share what we have. We listen. We are honest. It may be helpful to post this Family Mission Statement in a place where everyone can see it regularly. These are the values you will want to reinforce again and again and again. Of course if you are going to “preach” these guidelines you better be ready to live them. If you are not, don’t worry, your children will begin to remind you. (Mine certainly do!)
Affirm: I clarify and live my values.
5. Remember children are your teachers too! Dealing with my children pushes me to grow as a person. It is challenging to be a parent. Society doesn’t require certification as a prerequisite to parenting. Thus, we learn on the job. Be willing to see your children as learning partners, even teachers. Listen to their words of wisdom and acknowledge them. Applaud their curiosity, their love, and the joy they express. Let it inspire you to find a new found love for life.
You don’t have to be a perfect parent; it is simply impossible. We are human. Sometimes it is important to admit mistakes you make with your children and say you are sorry. This kind of honesty builds trust. As one wise parent said, “Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.” (H. Jackson Brown Jr.) When we learn and grow together, we build wholesome, happy relationships that become richer and more satisfying with time.
Affirm: I honor others as my learning partners. I am willing to grow.
Your assignment for this week is to think of one relationship that is important to you, one that you really want to see grow. Now choose one principle and begin using it regularly in that relationship. Be patient with yourself and the other person. Consistent application of these ideas over time is certain to bring improvement.
Please contact me if you need a speaker to motivate your employees to greater levels of excellence or to inspire an audience at your special event. Stay in touch with me on Facebook and Twitter. Sign up for free daily, inspirational emails by visiting www.patriciaomoqui.com . Put your email address into the red box called Food For Thought.
Food For Thought
“If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.”
- Diane Loomans,
from “If I Had My Child To Raise
Over Again”
In my speaking, writing and work on-line it has been a revelation to me, how many young adults have asked me specifically, “Will you be my mom?” When I ask them what they mean, they say, “I need someone to care. I need someone to listen. I need someone to encourage me.”
Just this past week a woman in my neighborhood asked me, “Will you be my mom?” When she was just a little girl she lost her mom to HIV / AIDS. She said that she longs for someone to care about her, encourage her and share wisdom with her. I said, “I would be honored to share motherly love with you.”
It got me to thinking how do we nurture ourselves? How do we become good parents to our biological children as well as to others in our lives who need us to play an encouraging, supportive role?
Here are some principles I use as a parent in working with my own children. I also use these same guidelines when working with other children and adults who look to me for support.
If you don’t have your own children, you can read these ideas substituting the child focus to any person who seeks your love and guidance. You might also consider these ideas as ways you can love and parent yourself.
1. Be fully present. Have you noticed that people are often physically present (the body is there), but mentally absent? Busy parents tend to feel that caring for their children means providing adequate financial support. That’s part of it. However, kids spell love: T-I-M-E. You may have limited time with your children because you work long days. That’s as it is. Make what little time you have with your children quality time by offering them your full attention. When you return home each evening, symbolically choose to drop your bag of concerns outside. Then walk in free to give yourself to the one’s you love. Put away your cell phone, let go of the day’s frustrations and tomorrow’s fears.Look into their eyes. Study their faces. How are they doing today? Do they seem happy or might there be something bothering them? If you tune in, you will find natural opportunities to support your family emotionally. This type of support is priceless.Some parents think that they can replace moments together with toys and other material things. There is no substitute for quality time. Remember, “Your children need your presence more than your presents.” (Rev. Jesse Jackson).
Affirm: I am fully present when I interact with others.
2. Listen. Don’t you find it helpful when someone is willing to sit and listen to you tell a story or explain something that’s bothering you? Isn’t it a comfort to know that another person will lend their ear as you express your feelings? Giving undivided attention is a way to show love. When we listen without interrupting or criticizing, we create a safe place for a child. Simply listening with acceptance gives you the wonderful opportunity of getting to know your child more deeply. Doing this creates a bond that children and parents (all human beings) desperately long for. Create trust and openness. Then as children grow, they can keep turning to you rather than their peers for support and guidance.
Affirm: I listen patiently and attentively.
3. Touch and comfort, hold them when needed. Studies have shown that a human beings need for affection is as deep as his need for food, clothing and shelter . Patting the back, stroking the hair, holding a hand while walkingeach of these is a way to give a child a sense of connection and security. Hugs that last a few seconds longer than normal warm our hearts and soften our spirits. The Dalai Lama reminds us, “We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.”
Affirm: I offer loving touches in wise ways.
4. Clarify family values (for your nuclear family and the human family). Come up with a few statements reflecting the character traits you choose to exemplify as a family. Here are the guidelines we use. As members of the Omoqui family, We respect others. We use our words wisely. We are kind. We share what we have. We listen. We are honest. It may be helpful to post this Family Mission Statement in a place where everyone can see it regularly. These are the values you will want to reinforce again and again and again. Of course if you are going to “preach” these guidelines you better be ready to live them. If you are not, don’t worry, your children will begin to remind you. (Mine certainly do!)
Affirm: I clarify and live my values.
5. Remember children are your teachers too! Dealing with my children pushes me to grow as a person. It is challenging to be a parent. Society doesn’t require certification as a prerequisite to parenting. Thus, we learn on the job. Be willing to see your children as learning partners, even teachers. Listen to their words of wisdom and acknowledge them. Applaud their curiosity, their love, and the joy they express. Let it inspire you to find a new found love for life.
You don’t have to be a perfect parent; it is simply impossible. We are human. Sometimes it is important to admit mistakes you make with your children and say you are sorry. This kind of honesty builds trust. As one wise parent said, “Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.” (H. Jackson Brown Jr.) When we learn and grow together, we build wholesome, happy relationships that become richer and more satisfying with time.
Affirm: I honor others as my learning partners. I am willing to grow.
Your assignment for this week is to think of one relationship that is important to you, one that you really want to see grow. Now choose one principle and begin using it regularly in that relationship. Be patient with yourself and the other person. Consistent application of these ideas over time is certain to bring improvement.
Please contact me if you need a speaker to motivate your employees to greater levels of excellence or to inspire an audience at your special event. Stay in touch with me on Facebook and Twitter. Sign up for free daily, inspirational emails by visiting www.patriciaomoqui.com . Put your email address into the red box called Food For Thought.
Food For Thought
“If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.”
- Diane Loomans,
from “If I Had My Child To Raise
Over Again”
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
10 Things Men And Women Do That Destroy Relationships
1. Not Answering the Phone:
When a man doesn't answer the phone, especially at certain times of the day, it causes suspicion in a woman’s mind.
2. Walk Your Talk:
If a man says he is going to do something, then he needs to make sure that he does it. Don’t give empty promises.
3. Learn to say “I Don't Know”:
When it comes to a mans ego, they cant stand to say “I DON'T KNOW!!!” Women cant stand when a man thinks he knows EVERYTHING!!! Its okay to “Google it” if you don't know.
4. Hogging the Remote:
When a man just takes complete control over the TV, it’s a simple sign that a man is not interested in the things that his woman likes. Watching sports is cool but not 24\7.
5. Bringing Up Weight:
A woman doesn't need her man to constantly remind her that she needs to hit the gym. A woman realizes that she has gained a few pounds when the 1st pound hits. Also by a man always bringing up a woman's weight, it makes it seem that all he cares about is the way she looks and not what she has to offer.
Top 5 Things Women Do to Destroy Relationships:
1. The “WHERE ARE YOU” question:
When a woman calls a man and the first thing she ask him is “WHERE ARE YOU???” That is annoying. If the woman is asking for a specific reason then thats understandable but to ask a man who all the time shows that a woman doesn't trust her man when he’s not with her.
2. The “Who You Talking To” question:
When a man is on the phone and this question is asked, men find this to be very rude. Asking this question co-insides with the above question, it shows that a woman doesn't trust her man and makes a woman appear to be nosy.
3. Nagging:
When a woman starts nagging about nothing. If a man hasn’t done what you want him to do and you nag him about it, it’s really not going to get done once a woman starts nagging.
4. Holding a Grudge:
When a woman holds a grudge and then tries to bring up all the old stuff in a new argument, that drives a man crazy and makes him non-responsive.
5. Allowing a Man Time to Breathe:
Men need time by themselves, to be with friends and family. Men need to feel independent. When a woman doesn’t give a man time to himself then he feels suffocated.
DISCUSS…
When a man doesn't answer the phone, especially at certain times of the day, it causes suspicion in a woman’s mind.
2. Walk Your Talk:
If a man says he is going to do something, then he needs to make sure that he does it. Don’t give empty promises.
3. Learn to say “I Don't Know”:
When it comes to a mans ego, they cant stand to say “I DON'T KNOW!!!” Women cant stand when a man thinks he knows EVERYTHING!!! Its okay to “Google it” if you don't know.
4. Hogging the Remote:
When a man just takes complete control over the TV, it’s a simple sign that a man is not interested in the things that his woman likes. Watching sports is cool but not 24\7.
5. Bringing Up Weight:
A woman doesn't need her man to constantly remind her that she needs to hit the gym. A woman realizes that she has gained a few pounds when the 1st pound hits. Also by a man always bringing up a woman's weight, it makes it seem that all he cares about is the way she looks and not what she has to offer.
Top 5 Things Women Do to Destroy Relationships:
1. The “WHERE ARE YOU” question:
When a woman calls a man and the first thing she ask him is “WHERE ARE YOU???” That is annoying. If the woman is asking for a specific reason then thats understandable but to ask a man who all the time shows that a woman doesn't trust her man when he’s not with her.
2. The “Who You Talking To” question:
When a man is on the phone and this question is asked, men find this to be very rude. Asking this question co-insides with the above question, it shows that a woman doesn't trust her man and makes a woman appear to be nosy.
3. Nagging:
When a woman starts nagging about nothing. If a man hasn’t done what you want him to do and you nag him about it, it’s really not going to get done once a woman starts nagging.
4. Holding a Grudge:
When a woman holds a grudge and then tries to bring up all the old stuff in a new argument, that drives a man crazy and makes him non-responsive.
5. Allowing a Man Time to Breathe:
Men need time by themselves, to be with friends and family. Men need to feel independent. When a woman doesn’t give a man time to himself then he feels suffocated.
DISCUSS…
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